The past few days I’ve spent sitting in the recliner with ice packs and taking medication to help with swelling and pain. One day we watched an HGTV marathon of the show Good Bones. This got me excited about an upcoming kitchen remodel at one of our rental houses. Chad and his mom went to Lowe’s on Saturday to finalize some of the design choices. It’s going to look really nice!
The weather has been warm which has given me an opportunity to sit out on the back porch in the swing Chad and Steve hung up for me. I only wish we had a couple of these so I wouldn’t feel guilty hogging the only swing on the back porch.
I finally mustered up the energy to take a shower. It was nerve racking to see myself in the mirror and wonder what happened to me. The scars go from the middle of my chest to way under my armpits and are longer than I anticipated they would be. Before the procedure I saw some images on the internet but I figured that every woman is different and my chest would not look like anyone else’s once the healing is over. The nurses at the hospital said the incisions look good but it does remind me of two large zippers running across my chest with another small zipper in my right armpit. Before the surgery I spoke with a lot of women over the phone about their experiences. The time they spent with me telling their stories and answering my questions was truly a gift. I will not name names and I am grateful to them all.
At night my brain shifts into high gear thinking about all the what if’s. There is a list of things I should have or could have done differently and another list of possible paths from this point forward. As a planner it’s hard not to think about what my life might look like next week, next month or next year. Each night I am able to get more and better sleep. Saturday night I went to sleep around 9 pm and woke up at 12:30 and 3:30 am but didn’t get up for good until about 8:45 am. Sunday I was in a much better mood and had more energy. Sunday night I went to bed around 11:30 pm and got up around 8:30 am. I am grateful for the new recliner which is comfortable to sleep in, ice packs, and pain medication.
Monday morning after a late breakfast I went outside and helped my mother-in-law water the plants. We talked about flowers, plants and trees and the grape harvest that is to come this fall. The three very old concord grape plants in our yard produce a bumper crop each year and I want to make grape juice with the new steam juicer I bought this spring. It was a beautiful, sunny day and the flowers really helped brighten my outlook.
Tomorrow (Tuesday, July 21, 2020) I will see Dr. Lucas for the first post-surgery follow up. Please pray for pathology reports that show no cancer in the lymph nodes, no spreading, no need for additional surgeries.
Carolyn’s Life 